Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
Life happens with a series of coincidences and occurrences have to happen somehow. Our lives all crash and collied and there is always a reason or rhyme to it. If there wasn't any reason for it all, what would be the point? Why would anything happens at all? There is an outcome, repercussions and occurrences to everybody you meet and everything you say.
One frustrating lil' man bulldozed his way into my already messy life and tried to fix every little mess I've made. And yet ironically, the hero whom I thought he was, turned out to be the messiest mess.
The frustrating lil' man seemingly had lots of plans for our "future" and had it all under control.
Apparently not.
Things dragged on, shits happened.
"I will do it. I have it all under control", and reasons that were right up there with "my dog ate my homework" were all he could say.
History repeats.
I don't think there's enough time in the world to allow his plans to actually happen. Everyone else's, maybe, but definitely not mine.
When I was convinced of his acts and that I'm not gonna allow him to be charging around my life like a bull in a china shop anymore, someone asked me what do I dream about; things I really, really like to do if I could, something I'd like to accomplish.
I tried to think about my dreams, where I wanted to be, what I really wanted but I think to know what you want, you have to know what you don't want and what I could figure out was that I really wished he hasn't talked to me that very fateful night so I could have continued on the path I was going on.
My life had complicated things and he tried to make things move on when I was perfectly content. He called it a rut, but he'd moved me from that place already, by merely pointing out that I was there, and I would never be able to go back.
I Googled people's dreams.
Because they were right, I will never move on if I didn't have one, which is rather pathetic, I should have one.
On second thoughts, I don't know which is more pathetic - not having a dream or Googling other people's.
In the meantime, I will never want perfect again. I want middle of the road, stuff I don't care about so that I can't lose anything I really love ever again.