Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
Hallelujah!! My best friend has gaven birth! She has lots of things to look forward to in life now.
I wanted to feel happy for my friends, really I did, but I couldn't shake off the feeling of being left behind. Everyone else's life is moving on except mine. I scorned myself for being so bitter. I wanted to be by my best friend's side right now celebrating their baby's arrival with them like the old Linda Ser would have done. But I couldn't bring myself even to smile for them. I am jealous of them and their good fortune. I am angry with them for moving on without me. Even in the company of friends I felt alone, in a room of thousand people I would feel alone. But it was when I roamed the room of my quiet house in the night that I felt most alone.
I hated the butterflies I got in my tummy every time I remembered DT. I hated the feeling of having no excitement to look forward to. I missed the feeling of being loved, of sensing DT's eyes on me as I entered a room; I miss his touches, his hugs, his words of advice; his words of love. And I hated to think of what my life might be like when there would be no more DT. Memories are fine but I can't touch them, smell them or hold them. They were never exactly as the moment was, and they fade with time.
Everything that we had been through is starting to feel like it's a dream I made. I'm really afraid that I will forget or hold on to our memories one day, David. I'm really afraid that I'll forget even your face one day.