Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face. You told me how hurt you were but I walked away. If only I knew what I know today.
I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away. Thank you for all you've done. There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again. Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there.
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit. Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss. You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this.
Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance to look into your eyes and see you looking back.
If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away.
It's so out of line to try to turn back time.
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do. And I've hurt myself, by hurting you.
I still can't believe you left me
On 20th January 2011, 7.27pm, you messaged me.
"I really love u and chloe but it's all too late I can't do much more already"
On 20th January 2011, 8.30pm, you decided to take the plunge and leave me behind.
It's not the first time you pulled this stunt for the past 3yearsplus we had been together and I really didn't expect the first and only time I ignored is the time you really did it.
If I had called you back or at least give you a message when you told me you were suffering from depression and you couldn't stop thinking about me, all these tragedies won't happen.
But I didn't.
If I believed in next life and reincarnation, maybe I won't feel as traumatized. If I believed in afterlife and souls, maybe I feel when I tell you those so many things I never told you, you can still hear me. But now, all I know is you're dead, no longer here and you're all smashed up in a white glass jar.
Whenever I shut my eyes now, your distorted flattened face will surface. And my heart aches really badly.
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Happy 29th Birthday
You made me cry my heart out on your 27th Birthday;
We both cried on your 28th Birthday;
I made you cry on your 29th.
And neither both of us will have to shed another tear on your 30th, I promise.
Because I'm putting a fullstop here.
Sometimes, I really miss the times when I was young... as love was all I knew back then.