Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
Some times, I feel totally okay with being alone. Some times, I missed you and wanted so much for you to be there. Some times, I hate you like how a fat boy hates his salads. Some times, my confidence was so inflated, nothing can nail it. Some times, I felt lonely. Some times, I really wanna be your 100% wife, inside-out, even better than how I used to be - tame down my temper, be your nice housewife at home, sorts out everyday-mundane stuffs for you and an independent woman outside and shits like that. However, time to time, ugly facts just keep coming back to me, reminding me you're no longer the imperfectly perfect man I loved then.
I would always proudly tell my friends and love ones that I've got the most faithful man as my husband. Yes, you've done nothing for this family, you're a thumbs-down gambler who will forget even your pregnant wife at home, crying her heart out. But, one thing for sure that had been supporting me throughout all these fuckshit-my-husband-is-missing-again nights, loving and believing, kept me hanging on, is that... My man is true, to me. And god knows if I am able to find another.
Yet today, I'm pouring out and crying to PIC about those shits that I never thought will happen, shits that slapped me hard, awake.
I thought I picked the best apple.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Bouncing back
People have been commenting about my depressed and angry self these days. Ranging from, "All those post and words sound like it will come out from anyone BUT you." "What happened after you came back? You've changed." "Emokid."
Reason being: the only man I thought who seemed so true, the only man I loved not long but with my everything, the only man whom I'm willing to give up everything, turned out different. Everything which happened for the past coming-to-3years was all nothing but me being naive, all of a sudden. This realisation came too abruptly and hit me hard. I was lost.
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Accompanied PIC to Sentosa to pick out her menu for her catering buffet on her ROM. The villa will be awesome, I'm sooooo looking forward to it.
Shortlisted for the job. Going down at 1pm tomorrow. Will be on probation for a month - my ever first office job.
Working towards my motivation: I will bounce back to the invulnerable and independent self and prove to the whole world that I can live even better without anyone; I don't need a man.
Not gonna let myself down.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
It is so KNNBCCB that I have nothing to say
Shits get shit-ier when one is down like losing your phone while sleeping. Sounds ridiculous? I set up my Blackberry's alarm at 8.30am; my iPhone's alarm at 8.20am. I woke up at 8.30am, feeling damnnnnn pissed as I suppose it's Zhua Si Ka Alba or Bibi whom took my iPhone to play. So I forced my eyes awake and stormed out of my room and demanded for my phone. None of them took it. I called, it's fucking OFF-ed when I just charged it last night and only pluck it out at 5plus am during my commercial break.
I swear I turned my whole room upside down while Xiao Qin Ma Ma was rambling on and on on my windows left open (FYI: I've been leaving my windows open ever since I stay in this room - which is donkey years).
Then, appointment time changed to afternoon. So much for forcing myself asleep last night and forcing myself fully awake.
Till now, I still can't believe I can lose my iPhone just LIKE THAT. Now, tell me what the fuck is the world happening.
Monday, June 14, 2010
FML
Had wars on FB earlier.
Then just as I was fuming as the wars ended, the wedding studio called me. Yah yah, of ALL times, they ring me NOW.
"Hi, Ms Linda." "Yah." "We're calling from the White Link, wedding studio. Is your wedding date confirmed?" "..........." *kup*
As if I'm not pissed enough.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
FML
The NTUC chalet at downtown is fully booked on my desired dates. Yeah, I knew it. What now!? FML.
Sometimes when things got hard and got my way, selfishness took over and overwhelm me, I really hate you for this incomplete family, for not being a good father to Chloe. I mean, put the marriage between us aside, put you being my husband aside, you don't give a total damn to her. Do you even miss her? She's your bloody own daughter, David. And this is what. Don't blame me when I remove the 'Tan' from her name as I don't find you up to being her father - I don't feel you being one.
I'm starting to wonder if I did the right thing by giving you up. FML, twice.
Am I... right?
Friday, June 11, 2010
Hot momma back on Sunny Island
I'm back from US last last night! PIC was there to pick me. We had popeyes and slept over at my place then to town for a random shoot and dental appointment.
No uploads from US until SSSSS (ask PIC, she gave that name) gathers me all the pictures.
Other than my skin is crispy and peeling like I have skin disease and my room is in a total mess from my barangs barangs left unpacked, I NEED A JOB.
My new hobby is peeling my skin on the trains and while having coffee at coffee clubs. PIC hates my new hobby, I can see.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
I'm bloody alive
I'm here for the 4th (according to State's timing) or 5th (SG's timing) day.
Just got San Diego from Las Vegas and Los Angeles yesterday.
Jessica ALBAAAA:xiao Qing was worried when there's totally no sign from you. ... See Moreshe keep asking me "she got online anot?" even when I rushing to the toilet, she just won't let me off! so please aunti linda be more responsible for your action! next time you go overseas please don't bring xiao qing's worried along with you can? if not I won't be going to the toilet peacefully! you are not travelling alone
What do you get for guilty-filled + sweet-filled?
Going back to LA for Universal Studio tomorrow morning when I haven't even been to our dear Singapore's one.
I'm so upset that all the pictures (which is veryyyyyyyyyy few) are totally CMI - Cannot Make It. Will try to get better ones for Universal Studio tomorrow. Blame the bo-skill cameraman. Zzzzz...
My post is totally pointless and everything doesn't link. -_________-
*Turning in*
Oh, and before that, I miss Chloe Orhlulu, Ser Family, PIC, my two babies, my bed and... DTTBM.