Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
It was less than a year ago when my sister told me we would end up in a divorce few years down the road. That was when I was pregnant with Chloe for the 3rd month where friends and family were advising me to abort Chloe and not marrying you.
For the very first time in my life, it was you that my heart melted into the ground - I thought I found something true. And everyone’s looking round, thinking I’m going crazy. But I didn't care what they say, I’m in love with you. They tried to pull me away, but they didn't know the truth.
Today, I'm here crying, on the verge of our marriage.
Was it because I didn't want everyone (especially my father) to be right about us Or was it because I wanted Chloe to grow up in the best and healthy environment I could give Or was it really because I love you so much I couldn't let go.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
NOT AGAIN
Check out the date - 15th October; which means I've missed my ang for 2weeks now. Chloe is barely 4 months old!
I went for a checkup with Polo Bolo (Pauline, so many nicks of her confusing you?) at a random clinic at Jurong West area and I was awaiting the Doc to tell me, "Uh... So you're pregnant uh." yet again, thrice, within a year. But, bloody hell, he told me a half-fucked answer, "Maybeee" and charged me $51 consultation fee for that.
I'm asking DT to bring me for another checkup at Yishun this weekend.
To a***t or not?
When I'm trying to bring my life back on track after seemingly so long, and this shit happens.
How fertile, prolific and rich can my "eggs" go huh. It is really fucking demoralizing...
*prays* *chants* *hopes* Polo Bolo will be a companion! :x