Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
Since after I left Illuzion, I restricted my life to just DT and home. My life's practically revolving around him and for him. Everyday I wait at home for him to return from work, then sometimes we will have dinner together. On rarer occasions, we will catch a movie. Other than that, we turn in early. And when we wake up, the cycle goes on. Wait, ate, slept, get frustrated, wait, ate, slept, get frustrated, multiplied by seven more times and to be multiplied by a million more weeks in my life. My future looks bleak.
Sometimes I get really frustrated over him for being so insensitive and inconsiderate. Sometimes I get really angry over myself for being so uptight and negative. Sometimes I just hate myself for turning into such a complete bore; that's why I've been avoiding gatherings with lots of people, fun and laughter. On times when I really got dragged into one of this unwillingly, I stayed for less than an hour and made my excuse to leave because they always remind me of how boring I've became.
What a great welcome for 2009. Off to think of great ways to bite off everyone else's head (especially DT) and commit suicide...