Your Sweet♥~
Linda Ser.
♥♥♥
Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
In the meantime, she would just live.
♥
Music ♥
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
My deepest love
We knew each other since the beginning of year 2006, but we didn't talk much; I was then closer to your brother. When we do, it's only casual remarks. (I still remember the times when you commented on my 'tiger tooth', saying no wonder I'm so fierce.)
It went on for nearly 2 years to the night where we got closer on a drunk night when I broke up with my then boyfriend, AC, on the 13th of September 2007.
I couldn't remember why I went to Dragonfly with you, and neither could you. I was upset and got drunk that night. You said you were drunk as well and I ended up waking up to your place. Despite my drunkard state, I could still remember what happened. We got intimate but only cuddled to sleep. Hurriedly, I left your place and hoped you won't remember the previous night, but you gave me a message in the afternoon.
"why leave never wake me up :)"
We went out and so on, frequenting Dragonfly a lot. I didn't have the slightest feel for you that time, and I was still thinking about my ex then. In fact, I kept in contact with you because I felt that getting into Dragonfly with you was so much easier.
You took your pen and signed on my palm on the 2nd anniversary of Illuzion, 1st of October 2007. You said from then onwards, I belong to only you.
I never confirmed my feelings for you and neither did you ask. I guess you knew I was still thinking about my ex, but you never question. You just stood by me whenever I needed someone. You gave me your hand, but let me decide when to reach. You always let me be me. And I took all of that for granted.
You gave me a necklace for Christmas and insisted I always wear it, but I never take your words for real and often take it off and put on my chunky ones instead.
On the New Year Eve night at Illuzion. I got taken advantage, you stood up and I could see your rage. From that night, people come up to me telling me how you tried to protect me and how you cared.
Gradually, as time passed by, I began to rely a lot on you.
I remembered you were there on my 18th birthday, running here and there with the chores without any complain, despite my coldness towards you, neglecting you with my friends.
You never leave me no matter how I shouted, screamed, kicked and slapped you when I got drunk. You were always there for me, no matter what, making sure I'm safe and sound.
Until on the Saturday night, 3rd of May 2008, you said you were going to Malaysia to help get your mom her medicine. So you went ahead after sending me to Illuzion. You stayed for awhile at Illuzion and I ignored you that night, closing the door behind me without even saying goodbye when you said you were leaving. You left and I never ever thought that would be the last time I will be seeing you. On the very night, at 11pm+, your friend, Jon, was asking for you. So I texted you.
"whr u?"
No respond.
Called you.
No respond.
I felt really sick after rounds of alcohol that night and slept in the storeroom. When I got up, it was around 3am. I called again. Your handphone was off. I thought you might be asleep. Annoyed, I sms-ed you, warning you never to go to bed without a word. I asked Wendy to ring up your brother to ask for you and he said he do not know where you are, which means you were not at home. I got angry and sms-ed you telling you never to let me see you again. Haze and Wendy got kind of worried for me, and asked me to go home with them, refusing to let me be alone. I insisted that I will be okay and went home alone.
When I got home at around 4am, I called on you again. Surprisingly, it went through and you did not answer the call. At around 5am, I called, yet again - your cell was off again. I kept thinking and got worried.
I kept awake until daybreak. You replied at 8am+.
"Dear sorry see you in the afternoon k"
Which supposedly we were to spend our 7th month anni. I was pissed and ignored your message.
I woke up at 8pm+, but you weren't beside me in bed. I asked my mom and brother if you came. They said no. This time I got really angry yet puzzled. I didn't know what happened to you.
I used my house phone to call you if your phone is on. Someone picked up, which I don't think is you. I hung up and sms-ed you much later in the night.
"i don't know what the fuck u've been doing, but well, since that's the case, so be it. i won't ask u to call me 'cos i don't wanna kup your phone. enjoy."
You didn't get back to me.
The next day, Wendy called me and told me you went on the casino ship that Saturday night. Johnathan said you tried to borrow money from David Phang. I thought you might be avoiding me because you didn't want me to know.
You disappeared all of a sudden for days and I had to hear about you from other people.
I sensed something wrong because you would never do this to me.
I called and sms-ed you continuously.
Until this morning, I sms-ed you I trusted and loved the wrong person and you were such a great disappointment. I said I won't be bothering you anymore and gave you my regards.
You replied.
"Sorry u are right i'm not a guy to be depend on but i really love u. I'll remember the moments we had together i'm really sorry take care"
The only respond I got from you was this. My heart literally soured upon seeing this message. Without me knowing, tears instantly formed. I didn't see it coming, it hit me really hard.
We had so many arguments and quarrels, regardless severe or minor, but we were still together, still strongly bond.
Why did you even hold on to this damn relationship in the first place when you intended to chuck away just like that? I couldn't understand why.
We ended as abruptly as we started.
First, you stood by me no matter how I disappointed you, how I shoved you away, no matter what. Then you made me trust, rely and love you.
Now you throw me aside and leave me crying behind.
It went on for nearly 2 years to the night where we got closer on a drunk night when I broke up with my then boyfriend, AC, on the 13th of September 2007.
I couldn't remember why I went to Dragonfly with you, and neither could you. I was upset and got drunk that night. You said you were drunk as well and I ended up waking up to your place. Despite my drunkard state, I could still remember what happened. We got intimate but only cuddled to sleep. Hurriedly, I left your place and hoped you won't remember the previous night, but you gave me a message in the afternoon.
"why leave never wake me up :)"
We went out and so on, frequenting Dragonfly a lot. I didn't have the slightest feel for you that time, and I was still thinking about my ex then. In fact, I kept in contact with you because I felt that getting into Dragonfly with you was so much easier.
You took your pen and signed on my palm on the 2nd anniversary of Illuzion, 1st of October 2007. You said from then onwards, I belong to only you.
I never confirmed my feelings for you and neither did you ask. I guess you knew I was still thinking about my ex, but you never question. You just stood by me whenever I needed someone. You gave me your hand, but let me decide when to reach. You always let me be me. And I took all of that for granted.
You gave me a necklace for Christmas and insisted I always wear it, but I never take your words for real and often take it off and put on my chunky ones instead.
On the New Year Eve night at Illuzion. I got taken advantage, you stood up and I could see your rage. From that night, people come up to me telling me how you tried to protect me and how you cared.
Gradually, as time passed by, I began to rely a lot on you.
I remembered you were there on my 18th birthday, running here and there with the chores without any complain, despite my coldness towards you, neglecting you with my friends.
You never leave me no matter how I shouted, screamed, kicked and slapped you when I got drunk. You were always there for me, no matter what, making sure I'm safe and sound.
Until on the Saturday night, 3rd of May 2008, you said you were going to Malaysia to help get your mom her medicine. So you went ahead after sending me to Illuzion. You stayed for awhile at Illuzion and I ignored you that night, closing the door behind me without even saying goodbye when you said you were leaving. You left and I never ever thought that would be the last time I will be seeing you. On the very night, at 11pm+, your friend, Jon, was asking for you. So I texted you.
"whr u?"
No respond.
Called you.
No respond.
I felt really sick after rounds of alcohol that night and slept in the storeroom. When I got up, it was around 3am. I called again. Your handphone was off. I thought you might be asleep. Annoyed, I sms-ed you, warning you never to go to bed without a word. I asked Wendy to ring up your brother to ask for you and he said he do not know where you are, which means you were not at home. I got angry and sms-ed you telling you never to let me see you again. Haze and Wendy got kind of worried for me, and asked me to go home with them, refusing to let me be alone. I insisted that I will be okay and went home alone.
When I got home at around 4am, I called on you again. Surprisingly, it went through and you did not answer the call. At around 5am, I called, yet again - your cell was off again. I kept thinking and got worried.
I kept awake until daybreak. You replied at 8am+.
"Dear sorry see you in the afternoon k"
Which supposedly we were to spend our 7th month anni. I was pissed and ignored your message.
I woke up at 8pm+, but you weren't beside me in bed. I asked my mom and brother if you came. They said no. This time I got really angry yet puzzled. I didn't know what happened to you.
I used my house phone to call you if your phone is on. Someone picked up, which I don't think is you. I hung up and sms-ed you much later in the night.
"i don't know what the fuck u've been doing, but well, since that's the case, so be it. i won't ask u to call me 'cos i don't wanna kup your phone. enjoy."
You didn't get back to me.
The next day, Wendy called me and told me you went on the casino ship that Saturday night. Johnathan said you tried to borrow money from David Phang. I thought you might be avoiding me because you didn't want me to know.
You disappeared all of a sudden for days and I had to hear about you from other people.
I sensed something wrong because you would never do this to me.
I called and sms-ed you continuously.
Until this morning, I sms-ed you I trusted and loved the wrong person and you were such a great disappointment. I said I won't be bothering you anymore and gave you my regards.
You replied.
"Sorry u are right i'm not a guy to be depend on but i really love u. I'll remember the moments we had together i'm really sorry take care"
The only respond I got from you was this. My heart literally soured upon seeing this message. Without me knowing, tears instantly formed. I didn't see it coming, it hit me really hard.
We had so many arguments and quarrels, regardless severe or minor, but we were still together, still strongly bond.
Why did you even hold on to this damn relationship in the first place when you intended to chuck away just like that? I couldn't understand why.
We ended as abruptly as we started.
First, you stood by me no matter how I disappointed you, how I shoved you away, no matter what. Then you made me trust, rely and love you.
Now you throw me aside and leave me crying behind.
