Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
After the night you said "Ok Bye", it has been around 2weeks now. Except for the drunk nights, I must say I fared and carried myself pretty well.
I saw AC at fly on last Friday night. Because Felicia have the same clique of friends as AC, I was at his table for awhile. We were total strangers, if you were some bystander, you wouldn't have the faintest idea we know each other, much less we were once an item... once doesn't sound right. When our eyes met, I turned and left. It was really awkward. We shouldn't be behaving this way.
All the time in my life, I've always think that I'm invulnerable and strong till the state whereby I have a 'mood-setter'. In other words, if I want myself to be happy at a certain point when a normal being should be feeling upset or something, I can (and it's definitely not that I'm putting on a tough look but actually breaking down inside kind of thing). And that's for emotions, not fatigueness, etc. So don't expect me to keep awake for 3 nights and yet feel energetic that I can wrestle with 3 pigs. I'm no superwoman.
I was discussing this with Jason after that fateful night, about a week ago, and he said, "So you mean when you're actually sad, you act one lah." Okay, he got a point here. Probably at times I let emotions overcome me, and forgot the fact that I should be strong. Anyway, grieving is part of helping myself.
Whatever it is, I believe I will get over this in no time... Just because I am myself.