Linda Ser.
♥♥♥
Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
In the meantime, she would just live.
♥
That very night, we sat in silence.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Sometimes, I just wonder why can't we be like last time." - Nothing in the world could take us back to where we used to be.
I read through my diary and every post at my friendster blog and I just had this urge to 'quote' some out.
"Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
In the meantime, she would just live."
And...
"I am reminded of the song we used to sing and share in school.My life changed completely some time ago; the old seemed more like gold dust - it all just blew away. My friends and I went our separate ways and made different lives with people in our new worlds. I put away my old photos and shot new ones to go with my new life. Once in a while, they would call and rehash the past. The conversation usually didn't exceed ten minutes because we didn't really know what to say to each other.
Everything had changed.
I believe that in life we have chapters - phases, if you will. The many faces of youth are shocking. We change from day to day, hour to hour. We love and then stop. We have a best friend and then we have five. We love our parents and then hate them. We practice yoga and then decide to take dance classes instead. Okay, so we're fickle - fickle like the latest fashion trend. "In with the new, out with the old," that's our motto. This way we never get bored and it's easier to move on after being hurt. The flip side is that there will be a point when we look back on the old and miss it, like we miss a pet that dies or a small house that isn't big enough for a growing family. Moving away from something is exciting, but it all looks different in the rearview mirror. Once in a while when I stop and take a break, I awoke to the backward mirror image of my forward life.
I called my friends and suggested that we go out for a drink to catch up. We met downtown at a familiar cafe. We all looked a bit different - older, taller, thicker. We chatted, talking mostly about school, boyfriends and finals. We laughed and hugged and remembered. For some reason; talking and remembering made me feel pretty bad, and when there was nothing left to talk about, I realised that we hadn't really talked about anything. So much had happened in the yesteryears with all of us that we couldn't possibly know where to start. I went home that night feeling really alone and confused, and frustrated with myself for... for what? Changing, I guess.It took me about an hour to realise how ridiculous that sounded. I was feeling guilty for changing? I was confused because we had all endured another year and mastered new experiences. My guilt was short-lived. Sure, everything has changed because we have changed and will continue to change forever. We all care a little less about who wore what to the MTV Awards and what the latest gossip is. (What's that crushes thing called again?)
We have healed our hearts from the devastation of breaking up with our loves. We are secure with the fact that no matter what happens, we will always have tomorrow. We have all changed in life. Some of us have jobs, and some of us have boyfriends. Next year, we will all have grown a little more, and then a little more the next. We will have pain, and we will have joy. We will endure and we will accept, and then we'll be back to share or just to smile with each other and know that nothingeverything will be all right.
Enough said. Goodnight."
Lastly,
"I'm unsure of so many things these days, I know less than I thought I knew.It wasn't that particular phase of life or that particular someone who kept me prisoner - it was my own spirit. I realised that I must live each day in the present, and not allow myself to sink into the murkiness of a lost childhood, foregone times, bygone past. Each day is like a brand-new penny, which I value and spend wisely. At night I toss them inside a kind of glass jug in my mind. As they hit bottom they resonate with the splendid tinkling of a life filled with hopes and possibilities.
I need to stand up to others, and to myself as well.
Who really knows?"
Well, some things are just too far apart to bridge the distance but something keeps me hanging on and on.
Some things are just meant not to be said, to be kept within. Or rather should I put it in this way: I haven't got the courage to... Earnestly, I'm still indefinite about this. I'm gonna take a lifetime to figure this out.
