Smiling to herself as she sat at the table waiting for him to bring back the drinks. She relaxed back in her chair and gazed out of the window to the cold June day that caused the trees to dance wildy in the wind. She thought about what she had learned, who she once was and who she had now become. She now had a job that she loved, wonderful people whom she knew so true and felt confident within herself to reach for what she wanted.
She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym; she was a woman who sometimes questioned what reason had she to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong.
On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, she would just obey the final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her.
It started off with me and G in a wulu shopping mall. We were on the run and my family (shockingly) gave us a watch to pawn for some living expenses. We went to a shop and apparently, the watch was offered for $9.99 (SMLJ!?). We took $10 and G sneakily took the watch as well. Went back to level 1 to look for a second shop to pawn. While we were inside, we suspected there were people following us. I walked out to the shop's entrance to take a look and before we could realize, many police were already here. They dashed in and ambushed him and he arrogantly faced them.
My heart sank when I saw his arrogant face - he accepted the fate of getting caught. I screamed and cried for them to stop, on the verge of breaking down when many of them beat him up with him trying to fight back. I couldn't remember what exactly happened but he managed to escape.
Then it abruptly got to the part where some people I know saw DT. You were apparently still alive. We met and you apologized and hoped we could get back together like the past. I was having those mixed emotions; more to elated. Gave up G and went back to you.
You had a shop. I was tugging our daughter (lil' CT looked like she was already about the age of 6-8), about to go to you. Out of nowhere, explosions were coming out of the street where your shop was. It was like WWIII was about to start or something. I tugged onto CT tightly and was about to make our escape. Halfway, I stopped and turned back. Where were you?
"DEAR, DEAR, DEAR." I screamed, looking for you. I didn't know where you were. All I know was I didn't want to lose you for a second time.
Your face surfaced out of the smoke and haze.
We hugged tightly; so tight I almost felt it literally.
I miss you, dear. So so much.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Just for G.
You know, it's when we have hundred reasons to leave each other, we'd still look for the ONE reason to fight for each other.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear. And there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years... To make you feel my love.
听着他用颤抖的声音,说着曾经属于我们的故事。
I wish for real rainbows for you, with or without me around. You deserve them.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Dreams?
Life happens with a series of coincidences and occurrences have to happen somehow. Our lives all crash and collied and there is always a reason or rhyme to it. If there wasn't any reason for it all, what would be the point? Why would anything happens at all? There is an outcome, repercussions and occurrences to everybody you meet and everything you say.
One frustrating lil' man bulldozed his way into my already messy life and tried to fix every little mess I've made. And yet ironically, the hero whom I thought he was, turned out to be the messiest mess.
The frustrating lil' man seemingly had lots of plans for our "future" and had it all under control.
Apparently not.
Things dragged on, shits happened.
"I will do it. I have it all under control", and reasons that were right up there with "my dog ate my homework" were all he could say.
History repeats.
I don't think there's enough time in the world to allow his plans to actually happen. Everyone else's, maybe, but definitely not mine.
When I was convinced of his acts and that I'm not gonna allow him to be charging around my life like a bull in a china shop anymore, someone asked me what do I dream about; things I really, really like to do if I could, something I'd like to accomplish.
I tried to think about my dreams, where I wanted to be, what I really wanted but I think to know what you want, you have to know what you don't want and what I could figure out was that I really wished he hasn't talked to me that very fateful night so I could have continued on the path I was going on.
My life had complicated things and he tried to make things move on when I was perfectly content. He called it a rut, but he'd moved me from that place already, by merely pointing out that I was there, and I would never be able to go back.
I Googled people's dreams.
Because they were right, I will never move on if I didn't have one, which is rather pathetic, I should have one.
On second thoughts, I don't know which is more pathetic - not having a dream or Googling other people's.
In the meantime, I will never want perfect again. I want middle of the road, stuff I don't care about so that I can't lose anything I really love ever again.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Bah.
Fuck off from my territory, bitch.
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Never imagined we'd end like this
I still remember the look on your face Lit through the darkness at 1:58 The words that you whispered For just us to know Told me you loved me So why did you go away?
I do recall now the smell of the rain Fresh on the pavement I ran off the car That very night The beat of your heart The jumps through your shirt I can still feel your arms
I do remember The swing of your step The life of the party, you're showing off again And I roll my eyes and then You pull me in
Because I love your handshake I love how you walk with your arms locked around my neck How you disturbed me when I was in the middle of something There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions
But now I'll go sit on the floor Wearing your clothes All that I know is that I don't know how to be something you miss Never thought we'd have a last kiss Never imagined we'd end like this
So I'll watch you live in pictures like I used to watch you sleep And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
Hope it's nice where you are And I hope the sun shines And it's a beautiful day And something reminds you You wish you had stayed You can plan for a change in weather and town But I never planned on you changing your mind
Your name, forever the name on my lips Just like our last kiss